I’m going (creatively) insane

Well, after such a sensational title, I should probably explain what I mean by “creatively insane” shouldn’t I?

It’s said that everyone has their own idea, their own story to tell. If that is the case then I am no different to anyone else. But lately my story has been driving me mad.

The original vague ideas and concepts of my story crawled into my brain somewhere in my mid teens. I did a lot of (probably terrible) writing of very short stories and poetry at the time, and I was juggling three ideas for a short story in that time; one horror, two science fiction. Eventually I stopped thinking about the horror idea (although the rough premise remains somewhere in my brain to this day) and dropped one of the sci-fi ideas for being a little too dull and unoriginal. But what about the third idea? Well, I am still thinking about it as I write this post.

Every new film I watch, game I play, book I read, I end up spending a small amount of time totally zoned out thinking about my own story. Do I need a character like this for my own story? Could I write that kind of dynamic between the main characters? Is the underlying message here similar to what I want mine to be? Could I ever describe a spaceship that awesome?

My idea is one of the last things I think about before going to sleep, and one of the first things I think of when I wake up. It appears during downtime at work, while driving, any time I’m not focused on something else. Could it work in different medium? Maybe a video game? A film instead? It’s both fascinating and frustrating.

I have only recently starting talking to other people about this idea, and within the last month or two decided to make a note of everything relevant I think of, in the hopes of clearing my mind out by getting it written down.

I have been asked by friends why I don’t just start straight up writing, but frankly it’s an incredibly daunting task. I have an idea of a beginning, mid point and end of my story. The main characters are more or less there, but I have no idea where they go or what they will do yet. I am hoping that with more years on this Earth I will figure that out. Until then, I will have to live most of my life in this world, and a small part as creator of another.

There is, of course, a distinct possibility that I’d never get the opportunity to finish this story, let alone share it with another person.

And that thought terrifies me.

One thought on “I’m going (creatively) insane

  1. It’s better to have tried something and not succeeded, rather than keep wondering “what if”.

    What you’re experiencing is known to writers all over — the fear of a blank paper, they call it. It is possible to get over it, but everyone’s way is different, I think. Do you start with a skeleton of a story and then slowly, gradually expand on each point? Do you just pick out a random point in the story and try to write it as detailed as possible, and see where it goes from there? I don’t know.

    But the way I’d do it is this. You have the characters and plot points figured out, right? But so far they are all in your head? I think the first thing to do is to get them out. Take it, put it on paper/a computer screen, get it out of your system. That’s the first step. Perhaps, more ideas will be born as you’re writing it all down? Perhaps, you will be able to think about it in a different way once you can cast your eye over the whole thing at once? I think it will definitely be something that will help you stop agonizing over it though.


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